the tears stop, on the outside

I am wholly giving up on the idea of knowing too much.
What good does it do?
When you know too much,
you end up
having high hopes,
but it results in,
frustration,
disappointment.

Is there really anyone worth getting disappointed for?
Should I clear out all past disappointments,
just because a man shows feelings for me?
Would that be fair?
I guess not.

I guess it's always better to be indifferent.
A wallflower.
But then again,
the attention I'm getting
by trying to be a wallflower
should I just then
stand out?

Crying.
Helps.

I've figured out my own theory for it.

Crying,
When you try hard enough,
those tears,
make you exhausted.

So exhausted,
enough to fall asleep
without further thinking
or worrying.

And when you wake,
the numbness,
in your body,
blocks out everything.
And you just focus on picking yourself up.
Picking where you left off.
And moving on.

And men,
they're horrid.
Just as women,
but,
worse.

The moment they tell you
to get some rest,
that everything will be just fine
in their hands.

That's the moment you have to begin to worry.

And so, it'll just have to be me.