i have never ever gotten a nosebleed, i can sleep without the room fan on.

i have this big feeling that im going to have A LOT of problems after childbirth(if i ever wind up giving birth anyway). :(

you don't even know me

I'm no longer doing this because I'm motivated,or passionate.
nor am I doing this because I want to graduate fast and begin life.
An artist doesn't paint because someone wants him to. Nor does a true one really do it for money.
I am no longer doing this to make anyone proud
or even proud of me in the least. (TBH i dont really care)

They say to be successful, you need to close one of the lights of the four burners.
And to be the best, you need to close two burners.
I only know this:
I'm expected to burn five burners at once.

The only reason I'm still holding on right now,
Is because I know I'll still be the ONLY one to save myself.
Just me.

Just me.

And this time, I WILL save myself again.

breathing, dreaming

Underwater Carousel from Elena Kalis on Vimeo.

Been having a series of bad dreams for weeks/months. I don't even know what's wrong, or if I'm supposed to somehow decipher something behind these repetitions of dreams. Definitely in need of one of these decadent dreams of carousels and stars instead of what I'm having now.

Exams on Monday but I can't seem to get my heart to love those wordings on my gleaming, clean textbook. The desire to study is getting weaker and weaker in me each semester. Now I'm even having thoughts of how come people are so complicated. When you come out to work, shouldn't what's important be making enough money so you can enjoy some little luxuries (and not all). Isn't it enough that you make more than what you spend (both cost and self expenditures). I'd be happy just like that. Seriously.

Why do people strive to work to make overly much to try to own everything. Some even make $ so they can have more to invest in to get more. Although I guess more gives you more security but.. I don't think its worth trying to push yourself so hard on money until you neglect your own happiness. Sure money makes you happy, but not the work behind it. And that working part? Can't even guarantee you enough value for what you sacrifice. And that's why I can't understand accounting anymore. Making something so simple utterly complicated. What's important is I have enough and I keep a nice record so I know how I got my money. And I can live pleasantly. No drama, no attention and glitz, just pure happiness.

Or maybe these are just thoughts of a loner with a wild heart.



film by Elena Kalis

oh, lovely!

the wonder of you. :)

Watching Myung Wol the Spy, a sort of different drama to the cookie-cutters I've seen my friends watching lately.










Why are guys always so cruel when they like the girl. grrrr...
And speaking of men, boy are the two main male leads yummy as.. well, fill it in yourself with something nice. Comrade Major = love!~

i'm not.. but then again.. i am

I know I'm not smart, but (let me have it just this once) I scored highest for my productmanagement individual paper this term!!

I initially thought this other girl whom I knew would be getting it cause she's always scored super high for every subject and she's on a scholarship from one of the local newspapers around here. I'm not into kids who think they're smart but trying to be humble with it by telling that they don't study or don't attend classes. At least try to be modest without going OTT if you're going to be modest. If not, don't. Then again, I'll probably despise them the same. I lost 70% (which is 7/10) of my marks for my report structure, a drastic and careless mistake if you think about it. All I had to do to get those marks was to change my font to 12 (the default font is 11, what am i supposed to do about that?), justify (reasonable, but what's wrong with left alignment?), add in a content page (=_=) and an executive summary. I scored pretty much well on the other aspects, gaining about 26/28 or so out of the other sets of criteria.

See, I lose points for no reason. If I'd done all those (above), I'd be getting about 90%+ :(

Aside from that, I'm grateful to God for scoring well on this paper. Let's wait for the finals.

Speaking of assignments, I am nowhere near 50% of my questionnaire collection, and at about 100+ surveys, I'm getting a headache trying to fix up and check up on all the papers to make sure they're all answered.

The rank order question. Is so. Gonna. Kill. Me.
Gosh, how am i going to handle 700 when 100 is already making my back ache and my head spin. And its due in like what? 2 weeks. OCrrraappp..

boo.

It's supposed to be mid-terms break this coming week, but I've got two assignments on hold, one in progress with about another 700 questionnaires to be collected. AAAAAND.. I've got to have a meeting for one assignment which I haven't started. It's all up in my brain. I've got to buy a nice frame and some nice embossed paper to print and get my lecturer to sign which I haven't done.

700 Questionnaires. And a nice art gallery where idk how many people go in everyday.

Grrrreat!

one for the neck, one for the ears

I have no idea where necklace above is from, though it says Malababa, and i'm absolutely adoring these gem encrusted earrings by Momo's March available at MadisonLosAngeles for $188.

On a random note, I've finished collecting my 6 stamps for the Diva promotion happening till the end of this month. Yippie to RM30 vouchers *loves*

view images: here

boys.

To think that the boys I know would have matured by now.

I guess I was wrong.
(They're almost 25, can you imagine that? I thought by now their hormones would have at lease been stabilized. Geez, the wonder of adolescent stress in the 21st century.)

Arty!

Woohoo, there was a bazaar going on in my uni grounds today and I managed to snatch a replica of the oh-so-famous YSL Arty Ring. I got mine in a pretty shade of turquoise for a mere RM15! What a steal, ikr! People out there are paying like RM 500 for the original and mine is like :D The lady selling said she reduced the price only because the size was supersmall and not many people could wear it! Weeeeeeee, me is happppyyyy...

Looks like this ring goes pretty well with chocolate hues matched with gold, eh? I really want a honey & pavot one though. Fingers crossed!

rant

There's an unspeakably annoying girl in my marketing class. We were having one of our usual lectures when me and 2 other girls kept asking our lecturer to explain the Ansoff theory in better detail. Apparently Little Miss Left-Out who came late for class got annoyed because she wanted class to end early. TBH i didn't know she got annoyed, it was only when the other 2 girls told us she said something around the lines of us studying this in Year1 already and that we should be 'well acquainted' with the model. Yes of course we are silly, we're trying to be more than "more acquainted" with the model, unlike some people. ANYWAY, we got something out of asking our lecturer after class ended which of course would probably be something you'll never find out even after the end of your lifetime, so don't blame us for that if you get stuck in the middle.

Next time, if your intention of coming to class LATE is to get out of class, please don't bother to torture your skinny ass and just stay at home doing something more relevant and time-worthy; like practicing poses for your next model shoot or maybe planning one of your few holidays this year that I can barely count with my fingers and toes put together. Some of us actually want to learn things that primary school kids can't master, so take a hike! -.-

i have decided to forget. so don't lure me back in, kthnx.

edited:
i only want three things:
-your number
-lunch with you
-lunch with you.

:(

you, again

Four Mod - Calling You For Love
Totally miss this song on Audi!!!
Why does his name appear too many times in the song? (Or at least it sounds like it) :(

when everything is nothing

When I was younger, there was this time when I went for a friend's birthday. They played this game where you were just supposed to decide a "yes" or a "no" randomly three times. After that, someone will read out things like "I am fat", "I am smart", "I'm awesome", and by following in order whether you pick "yes" or "no", it was supposed to be you know, describing you. Anyhow, we were young and it was mere playing around, no harm done. But then I was smart when I played the game. I decided if there were bad things in those phrases they were going to read out, isn't it better to not be "pretty" or "kind" or "smart" than to get the horrible ones, so I just said no thrice. Yeah I guess I'm a bit of a party pooper. :x

But anyway, I decided that if this was the way the world works, to judge you before they know you well enough (hell, they should know you they way you do before they judge your strength and gentleness), wouldn't it just be so much better to be nothing? In that way, being nothing, I can be just about anything. It didn't matter if I wasn't gorgeous or smart, as long as people don't know me, I will always know that I can be just about anything I want to be. :)

Image: Yoko Furosho

recreate

XCVII

TO make a prairie it takes a clover and one bee,—
One clover, and a bee,
And revery.
The revery alone will do
If bees are few.

I had an idea just only. Here's my poem recreating. Not much in rhyme but it makes more sense.

To lead a happy life it takes a good guy and a couple of friends,—
good friends, and a boy,
And money.
The money alone will do
If boys are hard to come by.

poem by Emily Dickinson

What I really wish I was doing: Enjoying & resting after a long, hectic, weekend


What I am, in reality, supposed to be doing: Finding information and marketing models to
support my research paper, draft due in 10 hours.


What I'm actually doing: Finding new things, but, unrelated to my research topic

I'm screwed. :(

things i thought

I was on the morning bus to uni today when I had a few thoughts of my own

Marketing authors often tell their us(readers) to improve on customer satisfaction because we of the ability to capture value and long-term profits out of them. However, I think differently. I think that we should treat all customers nicely not because i want to steal something from them, but merely because we're humans, and that humans have the inner desire to be treated special, set apart.

Don't you think so? That if we can change our mindsets to tell people that we're only being nice to others because we have something we want to rip off them, but instead, to treat people just the way we want to be treated.

“I am not a yard of ribbon. I am not a leg of ham. I am not for sale to anyone.”
-Philippa Gregory (The White Queen)-

im having this terrible ulcer. It friggin hurts after i put salt on it. I slept with a pain jaw last night. I think I'm going to have the pain with me tonight as well. :(

boy

I know that being a girl, and single most importantly, we're all supposed to have a particular guy or crush we like, especially if we're into chick flicks, and lace and all the dainty, pretty things, it supposed to be normal for that girl to have at least one guy in mind that she's gushing over, if she's single.

I usually don't tell my friends who i like, i only tell them if i encounter some strange situations but never who i like. I also don't tell it out because as of late, my crushes usually just end up as a crush for 3months. It's as if after seeing them after 3 months or so, i instantly somehow get over them for mainly 2 reasons, one; they either annoy me or disappoint me. 2; i don't find them as good looking as they were before. Guys who i have no attraction towards the first time I met them do not count for this.

What bugs me is that there is this guy that do not qualify for this. I have barely uttered words to him which do not include a hi-bye, or asking him about his studies, so he obviously hasn't disappointed me, yet. And whatiswrogwithme, they're ALL supposed to get less cute in 3months, and to me, he's the opposite, i just friggin saw him again this sem and he looks cuter. grrr asdfgh!! can't he just be like all others so i can get on with life omg.

So anyway, 이 사람이다.

and this is the only clue everyone's getting.

I won't be naming names so that in future if i get over him, it'll be less embarrassing. It's annoying you know that you don't talk and the above happens. I won't describe the situation that this occurred together in any case my classmates can put puzzles together, it'll be too easy.

heart don't cry

How is it that my heart keeps pounding every time his gaze is upon me, when his eyes meets my flighty eyes, even after I forced myself to stop thinking of him. Its been more than a month since.

I need to pull myself together.