it would have hurt less if you'd prick my hand with a needle, TWICE.

I feel so utterly vulnerable today. I tried to ignore it but I don't think I can hold back much longer. I have never scored so utterly terrible in my exams in degree, ever. I feel, well not suicidal, but instead, as if something went missing, like a spring, a spring of hope wearing out.

From time to time I'd get this weird feeling as if there's something incomplete about my life. I try to come up with possible answers to what this missing thing is, and I still can't figure it out. I doubt it's got to do with males because, well, just because. My method is easy; if you think you fell for the guy, let it pass. Let them disappoint you. And then somehow it magically flushes out of your system. Yes, I've been doing that for quite a while now, some sort of medication for my heart. After all, doesn't everyone disappoint us somehow or rather?

Sometimes I think of how much life has changed in the past year and wonder if it was ever enough. And if I'll ever get the strength, courage and endurance to strive to get to where I want to be. I just scored a 2.25 for my Managerial Accounting. And my CGPA went down from 3.6 to 3.25 in a blink of an eye. And my scholarship officially flew out the window. I don't want to be this stupid naggy blogger who comes up and starts complaining that I'm not smart, not pretty, but this is just the pits. Oh gosh, could I at least have a little bit of brains just to make up for the not so fabulous other parts of me? Now I feel as if I have nothing, no assets, none.








something to help me cope.
And then I went and spoil it.
How can I be anywhere close to good if I don't have anything to offer.